The silence of my home this afternoon left me alone with my thoughts, the quiet sounds of the world outside doing little to pull me out of my head, little to stop the flashing scenes…my memories of you dropping before me like faded snapshots. My mind stained with the very real, intense remembrance of my too brief time with you, my heart pounding when I close my eyes and let myself remember your smell, a smell unlike any other I had known…and a smell that has replaced my idea of what is right and what is wrong...
It is horrible for me when I begin to think of you, of us, of the night I had you only for myself for the first time….the way I had let myself think about it, but I was sure it would never be, just thinking about that night and I become consumed, lost in a swirl of aroma and faded snapshots.
I keep myself busy with the real everyday life, wiping the counters, cleaning the floors, but in my feverish scrubbing of dusty corners and titillating memories, I find myself once again, short of breath, longing for a way to rid myself of this power you have, longing for a cloth powerful enough to wash myself clean of you. My body grows tired, as if the mere aching, remembering and longing is draining every piece of resistance, resilience and strength…..yet I still miss you!
No matter how far away you are, how many seconds, minutes, hours, days pass, for me….you are the most debilitating memory, aroma, flavor that I have ever had... and will never forget...
Missing you and remembering you...
Very strong... you made me cry!
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