Wanting...

I want to be a lost poem in a stranger's coat pocket, that conveys the importance of you.
To assure you of my desire, to assure you of dreams. I want all the possibilities of you in writing.
I want to give you your reflection, I want your eyes on me, I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there, and I want everything before you...
...everything before you to follow us like a trail behind me.
I want never to say goodbye to you, even on the street corner or the phone.
I want, I want so much... I'm breathless.
I want to put my power into a poem to burn a hole in your pocket so I can sew it.
I want my words to scream through you. I want the poem not to mean that much.
And I want to contradict myself by accident, and for you to know what I mean.
I want you to be distant and for me to feel you close, I want endless days when it's day and... nighttime never to end when it's night.
I want all the seasons in one day. I want the sun to set before us and come up in front of us.
I want to think your thoughts because they're mine.
I want only what's urgent with you.
I want to get in the way of the barriers and I want you to be a tough guy when you're supposed to,
like you do already.
...when you're supposed to. And I want you to be tender, like you do already.
And I want us to have met for a reason and I want that reason to be important.
And I want it to be bigger than us, I want it to take over us.
I want to forget. I want to remember us.
And I want your smile always, and your grimaces too.
I want your scar on my lips, and I want your disappointments in my heart.
I want your strength in my soul and I want your soul in my eyes.
I want to believe everything you say, and I do.
And I want you to tell me what's best when I don't know.
And when you're lost I want to find you.
And when you're weary I want to give you steeples and cathedral thoughts and coliseum dreams.
I want to drag you from the darkness and kneel with you exhausted with the blinding light blaring on us... and...

Distracted

It’s happened again

I can’t keep my mind on the task at hand

You’re bad for my work

But so good for my health

You make me smile

When I really don’t think I can

Even this next line

Isn’t coming out how I want it to

My vision goes blurry

Reliving memories of days past

The conversations

The silences

That doesn’t happen too often

I wonder if you realise all this

I would never tell you

It’s probably not good for your health

But it might be

You just never know

Could be nothing

I hope it’s not.

What I wanted to tell you on Valentine's Day...

Miss me, regret me.

I could have given you everything. I want you to miss it.

if you disappear now forever,
know that it was too soon
for me to write
a poem about you
and you’ll maybe regret that...

It is not your memories which haunt you.
It is not what you have written down.
It is what you have forgotten, what you must forget.
What you must go on forgetting all your life...

Love and other disasters

Ако любовта си е наумила отново да се изкачи на най-горното стъпало на приоритетите ми, надявам се да почака, преди да помете всичко по пътя си. След пет години упорито отричане на планирането, най-после склоних да имам план. Щастлива съм да мисля, че стъпка по стъпка го осъществявам. Моля те, любов, не ме прецаквай.

***

Да влезнеш в някого физически или да оставиш някой да влезне в теб означава безвъзвратно да изгубиш този човек. Само с този, който е влезнал в теб емоционално, можеш да познаеш интимност...

That's the way it goes...

That's the way it always goes... At first very little is enough. A minor thing. Even the hope itself is enough. And you are happy. Unbearably happy that you don't have anything. Because every smile is unique. Every gesture is meaningful and promises Heaven. Every letter is filled with strange, charming meaning that only you could understand.

You are happy to see the green icon in skype, the dots, the brackets, the dashes... The mere thought that he is somewhere there and is probably doing something at the moment. Maybe sleeping. Or writing. Or reading something carelessly lying on the sofa. Or watching TV and drinking beer.

And the most important now is that you don't need anything! You just want to be close to him sometimes. To watch him eating sushi. Or closing his eyes because of the sun. Or playing the guitar, watching you standing there not daring to breathe scared to ruin the moment... and smiling.

Enough, completely enough is just listening to his voice. The way he talks. Or how he laughs. With magical, uncomparable laughter. Or how he sings. Exactly the song you want to hear at the moment. Touching your heart and soul.

And it doesn't matter that he is thousands of miles away... You don't notice it. For now. Because for now it is enough.

***

I was listening to a song thinking of how you move me
You do not see me watching now
It is clear to me that I want to be
Where my eyes can see, where my heart can feel, where my soul can trust...
You must know I cannot go on more
Without a touch, without a taste
Without a doubt we cannot waste our precious time...